Pieces

Have you ever broken something that can't be fixed? I have, and lately I've been going back and looking at the pieces and feeling each one break all over again. It was awhile ago, this thing, but even still I can't shake the guilt and pain. I feel the same as when I was about, well lets just say somewhere around 7. I had taken my brother's new cassette tape player and headphones to use while I did some chores outside the house. I was using these big scissor things (?) to cut the grass close to the trees. Now in order to do this you must lean over some, and being a kid and uncoordinated I left the cord to the headphones dangling between my pocket and the headphones. So as can be assumed I accidentally cut the cord to the headphones. Upon discovering the reason for my loss of music I promptly walked in the house, up the stairs, and into my brother's room to leave the cassette player where I had taken it from in the first place. Later I was questioned about the headphones. I said "I have no idea, sorry!" Later, the guilt got to me and in a bout of tears confessed all to my mother. But the hours between the breaking and the reconciliation were brutal. I felt the blow of every part of my mistake. I felt guilty that I took something that wasn't mine without permission, I felt guilty that my brother would have to go without headphones for a few days, I felt guilty for lying, and I thought about it for hours. I took the situation and broke down every misdeed and promptly punished myself with guilt.

But now that I'm grown and know that piling on the guilt is (after a certain point) not fair to myself. Yet I can't help but wonder how to stop punishing myself for mistakes in life that can't be fixed.